So when I saw this glitter butterfly card kit the other day in the clearance bin I went for it. I mean I knew glitter was a slightly dangerous option with the age of my children but I felt I could keep it contained.
I think you all know how this story is going to end but indulge me anyway.
Right off the bat my two year old grabs the open glitter container and while I’m trying to show her how to gently shake it over her butterfly she resists my help and tries to jerk her hand out of mine, therein dousing her brother and half of the kitchen table in the finest most proliferate glitter imaginable. Do you see it - do you see how teeny tiny that stuff is?
The next few seconds were a sparkly blur in my mind but I may have lost my normal calm motherly demeanor for just a moment and possibly yelled at her because the next thing I know she’s sobbing and running off to her room while I’m dusting her brother off with a broom. So I’m shouting soothing statements that hopefully she can hear over the sound of her own sobbing while simultaneously trying to corral the glitter into a manageable pile.
However, this glitter is so super fine that when I try to slide if off the table and into the waiting dustpan it literally oozes into every minor wood grain of my table creating an uncanny gold leaf effect. It’s also on the floor of course and when I try to sweep it up it pools in the grout lines.
So I sweep up as much as I can, the youngest returns to the table and we proceed with the craft because why not. I mean at this point we’re already sparkling like overly sequined showgirls on the Vegas strip.
They each complete their butterfly and I send them directly to the tub. This is when I discover the trail of glitter that followed my 2 yr. old during her tantrum; a shining, sparkling trail throughout my entire house. It’s on the floor, the rug, the couches the walls. It’s like Tinkerbell spontaneously combusted in the middle of a stiff breeze.
So while the kids are in the tub I break out the Dyson and use every attachment that baby came with to eradicate the glitter on the various surfaces of my house. I got most of it but this is glitter we’re talking about here – the herpes of the crafting world. That’s what my friend always calls it, because once you get glitter you can’t get rid of it, and it pops up randomly for the rest of your life. And sure enough when I woke up the next morning after thoroughly showering and looked in the mirror, there was a tiny fleck of glitter under my right eye.
And that’s just the beginning. I see tiny sparkly flecks still in the carpet. I’m confident that glitter particles will be cropping up randomly until I die. I had to tell my husband that he’d been exposed, it was embarrassing and degrading.
So let this little story be a lesson to you folks. Don’t make the same mistakes I made. Don’t make yourself susceptible to the insidious infections disease that is – glitter. The only way to be 100% safe is through abstinence!